Posts tagged authenticity

I’m knocking this one out early since I woke up thinking about it.

I’m prideful.

Not about everything. But enough. I have no problem asking God for guidance on how to handle a specific situation or for a need I might have that is out of my control. But when it comes to something that I “should” know or “should” be able to figure out, my pride gets in the way.

As an example, I need to recruit and train new audio volunteers. I’ve asked God for an idea on how to recruit more techs, but why didn’t I just ask God for the actual techs themselves? Wouldn’t that be easier? I guess I have to feel like I recruited them myself. Am I insane?? I could never do this by myself! So why does my pride control me? How do I get past this roadblock? Do I ask God to deal with my pride? I’m too prideful to ask God for that kind of help. What is wrong with me? Why can’t I just get over myself and ask for help?

Okay, here goes:

God, I'm prideful. We both know that. Well, you knew it before I did. How do I let go of my pride? How do I let you take it from me? I'm afraid I'll feel less like I'm able to do what I need to do if I don't do it myself. I want to let it go, but I don't know how. God, take this stupid pride from me! I can't do any of this on my own. You give me all I need and then some. You are my provider. I'm scared to give up another area of "control." But I have to. I have to if I'm going to say I rely on you for everything. Right now I rely on you for some. Change my 'some' to 'everything.' Break me of this, God.
Thank you, Jesus.
Amen

It might be a small step, but it is a step, right?

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