As many of you know, my divorce isn’t final yet. Sometime in August our six-month waiting period ends. I’m not sure what the exactly timeframe is for when it will be finalized.

Here’s my situation: lately (the last two weeks or so), I’ve had a question in the back of my head that keeps popping to the surface. I keep thinking about Andrea and wondering what if she were to have second thoughts on the divorce? I’ll be honest, whenever I’m talking to her I want to be quick and to the point. I really don’t want to spend time around her or spend time talking to her. I just feel that I don’t have anything to say to her. But what if she interprets that has me not wanting her?

So anyways, back to this question in my head. I don’t know if it was just my brain playing with me or if God is still wanting me to pursue her, but I’ve been wanting to ask her if she was really certain she wanted to go through with the divorce.

Not gonna lie, the reason I put it off for so long was because 1) I’m fairly certain of her answer, 2) I really don’t want to hear her say she still wants the divorce again. It feels like an ice pick gets jabbed into my stomach every time we talk about the divorce.

So today I did it. I was too chicken to call her on the phone so I sent her an email asking the question. I don’t know why I’m so nervous to hear back from her. I’m almost positive I know what she’ll say. I guess there’s that slim chance she’s had a change of heart? I don’t know. But I’m not holding my breath for it either.

God, I hope I’m not setting myself to be hurt again…. and being stupid about this.

UPDATE

I got a response from her. It was as I expected. I guess I shouldn’t be that shocked. Still doesn’t feel good though. So guess that’s that.