Archive for March, 2011

Remember a little while ago in the post My Captive Thoughts God was telling me to wait?

Yeah, I don’t think He’s saying that anymore…

I honestly don’t know what to make of it. My closest guess is that God is letting me walk my path and if I need a course-correction, He’ll step in and help me. Make sense? Probably not. I guess I need to explain a little more.

Normally I wouldn’t have a problem writing at all. If I’m writing about my divorce or about something with Andrea, I can just imagine that more-than-likely neither her nor her family read this blog and so I don’t have to worry about anything.

But now that I’m moving forward and with Facebook and whatnot, I don’t have the same luxury with being able to share certain feelings. So that’s why I’m putting this little beauty:

::DISCLAIMER::
If you end up reading this (and you know who you are) please don't take this too seriously as this is just some stuff I'm struggling with internally as I try to process the feelings and emotions that I have right now. You're a very special and amazing person and I'm trying to not screw this up!

Okay, now that I got that out-of-the-way, let’s dive in…

There’s a girl I’ve met.
No, a new one.
But we haven’t officially met in person yet.

She requested to add me as a friend on Facebook.
I had no clue who she was.
I didn’t recognize her name.
We didn’t have any of the same friends.
All I saw was that she was very cute in her profile picture  and she lives in the OC.

So what does a single guy do when a cute girl wants to be friends? He clicks ACCEPT!

I accepted her friend request and immediately sent her a message asking if she knew me from somewhere.
Apparently she doesn’t, but we do have some things in common.

It feels like we hit it off almost immediately.
At least to me it does.

We’ve been texting back and forth every day since then.
Seriously, it’s an absurd amount of text messages.

During our conversations, I have found out that she is a Follower of Christ, goes to church regularly, has a job, takes care of herself, and did I mention that she is ridiculously good-looking in her Facebook picture?

But now I can’t get her out of my head.

I feel like I just went through this…

But this time, I don’t hear God telling me to wait.
So I’m just going to go with it and see what happens.

Last Friday, me and some of my best friends went out to dinner.

These are guys that I’ve known the longest and are some truly amazing friends.

While at dinner, we were talking about some of the junk I’ve been going through. I was explaining to them that as I look down the road that is my life, I can’t see myself dating someone who hasn’t gone through a divorce. Because unless you’ve been directly involved with a divorce, you can’t understand the feelings that go along with it:
Betrayal.
Hurt.
Loneliness.
Depression.

Sure, you can have felt those feelings, but not all together at the same time like in a divorce. It makes it really hard to relate to someone who has no clue what that feels like. And then on top of that, I have a daughter. I need a woman who is going to be great with kids and will love Emma as if she was her own. Makes me think that dating a woman who’s gone through a divorce and has a kid of her own would make this easier.

I could be way off base here.
I really don’t know.

Could God provide a woman for me that hasn’t gone through the ringer herself yet understands and is compassionate to what I’ve gone through?
Sure. He’s God, He can do anything.
Is it unrealistic to think that? I think so.

As usual, I need prayer in this.
Am I ready to date again?
Am I being selfish?
Am I thinking of Emma enough during this?
Am I going to quickly?
Am I emotionally stable enough to go through this?

All of these are thoughts going through my head and things I’m asking God.

So that’s  where I’m at.
-i