I decided not to post anything yesterday because I couldn’t think of anything special to write about.
And for tonight’s post, I still can’t think of anything worthwhile that needs to be shared.
Well, I take that back. There are some things I could write about but it would just sound like I’m complaining. Today was just one of those days, ya know? One of those days where it’s only 10:17 PM and I just want to go to bed so that I can wake up in the morning with a fresh start. And now all I want is to sit on the couch with that special someone and laugh at Sheldon and Leonard. Is that too much to ask?
Today we got hit with all kinds of tech gremlins.
It wasn’t fun.
But God is good and I don’t think many people noticed.
His Word was still preached.
His Name was still praised.
What am I so upset about?
I consider myself a relatively smrt person. I like to learn new things all the time; especially when it comes to technology. I don’t like to feel like a dummy. Sure, there’s a bit of ego there driving me and pushing me to want to be knowledgeable.
Tonight I was the dumbest guy in the room.
I was fortunate enough to sit in a room and record the Church Tech Weekly podcast with Mike Sessler, Van Metschke, John David Boreing, Kevin Sanchez, Jason Cole and Dave Stagl. The cumulative amount of brain-power in that room was astonishing. I’m telling you, these dudes are ca-razy smart!! I was speechless most of the night and kinda just sat there and tried to soak it all in.
After we recorded the podcast, we all headed over to Saltgrass Steakhouse. Holy crap! That was the best Porterhouse I’ve ever had. The steak was great, but the discussion going around the table was even better. I got to hear story after story from these guys who have been doing this for years. And let me tell you, their stories are fantastic!
If I wasn’t before, I sure am now a firm believer that getting together with other like-minded people is so important. We could have sat there talking for several more hours if they didn’t kick us out. Plus, Dave and I have flights to catch in the morning. I am so looking forward to the next time when we will all be in the same room again. NAB anyone?
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately. I realize that isn’t huge news. Being here at WFX has given me a lot of new things to think about:
Better ways to interact with my church leadership.
Better ways to love on my volunteers.
Better ways to use my audio consoles.
Better ways to build stronger relationships.
I’ve also had plenty of time to think about aspects of my personal life. I’ll be honest, I still haven’t taken the advice given to me and started to pray for Andrea. I haven’t gotten over my pride issue. I haven’t begun to feel clean. And I still worry about the future.
I feel like I am failing at life.
I’m not growing. I’m not maturing.
I am busying myself. I am distracting myself.
It’s like I don’t want to face some of these areas that can be painful. I’m avoiding dealing with them. Like what if I pray for Andrea and I see that she is happy with her life? Deep down, don’t I want her to be unhappy for the pain she caused me? What if I ask God for help with something and He actually helps me out? Deep down, don’t I want to be able to say I did it all myself? What if I surrender my private thoughts? Deep down, don’t I want to be able to think about anything I want? What if I let go of trying to control the future? Deep down, don’t I want to be in control of everything?
Even as I write this, I’m starting to see a pattern: control. Everything in this list is about control. Deep down I still can’t let go and stop trying to control everything.
Okay, people reading this, I guess I need some serious help with this. Because I’m too freaking prideful to ask for myself, I need people to intercede on my behalf. I need to give up the thought that I have control. I need to just let it go. I need to rest in God taking care of everything I need.
Wow, this went in a completely different direction than I thought I was going when I started.
I am le tired (FYI, some language, but funny).
I’ve been going since 9am.
Most of it was extrovert time.
1 extrovert hour = 1.5 regular or introvert hours.
So if my math is correct, I’ve been up and going for almost 24 hours.
That’s a long day.
It was great getting to hang with other tech directors that I’ve only spoken to on Twitter.
And we found out who is the grilled cheese champion.
Though he may not have been the crowd favorite.
But it was still a long day.
Nothing deep or spiritual here.
Today I learned…
that no matter what size church you work at, you deal with the same crap. It’s only the size of the pile and the amount of people shoveling that is different.
it’s bizarre when people now look at me and ask my opinion on something.
even though I’m very introverted, I still don’t like being alone.
that I feel pretty good about Sandals’ tech.
you can pretty much walk to anything you need in downtown Dallas.
Texas is flat.
Kevin scares me. I will now call him Mr. Toad.
I would not survive in a place with extreme humidity.
Yelp can be your best friend when you’re in a new place.
that being lonely sucks.
that the time change plus being in a different time zone is really screwing with my body.
talking on the phone with a close friend makes me super happy.
I’m knocking this one out early since I woke up thinking about it.
Not about everything. But enough. I have no problem asking God for guidance on how to handle a specific situation or for a need I might have that is out of my control. But when it comes to something that I “should” know or “should” be able to figure out, my pride gets in the way.
As an example, I need to recruit and train new audio volunteers. I’ve asked God for an idea on how to recruit more techs, but why didn’t I just ask God for the actual techs themselves? Wouldn’t that be easier? I guess I have to feel like I recruited them myself. Am I insane?? I could never do this by myself! So why does my pride control me? How do I get past this roadblock? Do I ask God to deal with my pride? I’m too prideful to ask God for that kind of help. What is wrong with me? Why can’t I just get over myself and ask for help?
Okay, here goes:
God, I'm prideful. We both know that. Well, you knew it before I did. How do I let go of my pride? How do I let you take it from me? I'm afraid I'll feel less like I'm able to do what I need to do if I don't do it myself. I want to let it go, but I don't know how. God, take this stupid pride from me! I can't do any of this on my own. You give me all I need and then some. You are my provider. I'm scared to give up another area of "control." But I have to. I have to if I'm going to say I rely on you for everything. Right now I rely on you for some. Change my 'some' to 'everything.' Break me of this, God. Thank you, Jesus. Amen
It might be a small step, but it is a step, right?
Pastor Matt kickpunched me with the truth.
I don’t have my crap together.
I have a secret thought life.
I don’t feel clean.
But thankfully, I am clean.
You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. John 15:3
Jesus cleans me.
He’s not afraid of the filth that is my mind.
He touched lepers and prostitutes.
How do I take my thoughts captive and surrender them to Him?
Well, WFX is almost here.
I fly out on Monday afternoon and get back on Saturday.
I’m really excited to connect with other tech guys from across the country.
And I get to hang out with my good friends Mike (@mikesessler), Van (@thesoundbooth) and Kevin (@ksanchez).
This is going to be a lot of fun! (Plus, there’s a grilled cheese cook off on Wednesday!!)